Thinking about this day, present time, in relation to other times, other days, past and future… I should be loving life. Why? Well, a semester worth or work is mostly done.
The ITP winter show is half over, with the second round starting in a matter of hours, to be followed by a major celebration. Fun! GROUP PHOTO
The Big Screens and NIME events were awesome and great opportunities to absorb amazing work and mingle with peers and others from artsy/tech communities. I’ve learned a lot and am getting the chance to generate ideas and design and make a variety of things. Many of the conversations I’ve had over the last months have also been ridiculously engaging and in some cases, enlightening. These have been with talented, inspirational, and “normal” folks, but they’ve also been with myself and my subconscious mind…no ghosts or animals (yet).
So anyway, I could go on in this fashion reporting more positives in other realms of my life outside of ITP, but my initial word choice “should be loving life,” includes a subtle implication that I’m actually not loving life. And the reason for discussing school related business, is that it directly relates to more school, yes and the career direction thereafter, not to mention that I am loving life in the social, home, etc. areas. Since perhaps that didn’t make sense, I’ll get back the little point about not loving life, which is sort of about the stress when analyzing and planning for the future, while considering what’s known from past occurrences, sensations, thoughts… and looking at myself at present. For me, there’s a certain satisfaction, confidence, comfort, and delight that correlate to order and proper preparation. When I was younger, it seemed a lot easier to maintain that state of control, but as people, books, and experiences in general, come and go with time, there’s a residue that accumulates. That residue affects perception and in my case, causes decision making to be more difficult. However, it’s not that I’m unable to say yes or no, this restaurant or that, New York or San Fran, shoes or sneakers, etc. — it’s just that big decisions are becoming more frequent, and with them comes a feeling of being less prepared.
So now I have almost a month before classes begin again. I have many tasks to accomplish in this month: design and build my portfolio website, update my blog and resume, apply to relevant spring internships, decide what is relevant, generate relevant project ideas, plan for a cross-country move. I have a calendar, a brain, a strong work ethic, supportive friends, family, and woman, intention and drive. However, I also have an appreciation for deserved relaxation, distance from stress, and flowing through time without fighting. As this time-stamp ends, I’m going to try to remember without needing to re-read what I’ve written that balance is happiness are individual, subjective realities. I can make mine what I want to a large degree. So, if I should be loving life, hrmm… let me keep loving it, yea? p.s. Dan Gilbert’s relatively new book has probably played at least a little part in this flow of thought. He has a couple talks on TED.